Mythbusting: Are New Habits Established in 21 Days?

IMHO, one of the most pervasive myths in the area of establishing new habits is that it takes 21 days of repetition to "establish" the new habit.  What got me started on this topic?

Well, earlier today, Stephen over at HDBizBlog wrote an excellent post addressing how to establish the habit of checking a Tickler File - especially if you have ADD.  He gave very detailed tips on organizing your environment to support the new habit. In his post, however, he mentioned that it takes 21 days of "repeating a behavior on a daily basis" to establish a habit.

In the ensuing discussion, Rob from 7Breaths commented that he had never seen any real research that stated this.

Stephen found a source, but found it wasn't based on actual research - it was the writer's "empirical observation". The 21 day theory seems to have originated in the book, Psycho-Cybernetics, by Maxwell Maltz, a pop psychology book from the 70's (which was updated in 1989) (See Stephen's full article, comments & discussion here)

Back to the New Habits in 21 Days Theory.
I don't buy it. 

In my experience helping people change habits, both in the corporate world and as an organizing consultant and coach, not to mention trying to change my own habits, the 21 day theory is just another one of those popular "flavor of the month" slogans designed to "motivate" you, and help you "think Positive."  Kinda like, "you can be anything you want to be" or "you can choose how you want to feel" or "if you think it, it will happen". 

Reducing human psychology and motivation to these simplistic sayings may be effective marketing, but these one-liners are just plain NOT true.  In fact, they often end up having adverse effects because they actually make us feel bad about ourselves because we can't live up to the saying!

In the real world, many habits take much longer than 21 days to establish and even then, aren't really "established."

In reality, most people backslide and have to deal with deeper attitudes and emotional stuff, or the fact that their personality style or even genetics are simply different from other people's.  We are NOT all created equal.  We are different.  Not everyone can successfully establish any habit they choose. At least not within a reasonable amount of expended effort.

Backsliding

I've seen people, myself included, who have performed certain habits for 6 months, a year or even more and then backslide.  The habit simply never felt natural.  Give me an example you say?

Ok.  Let's take trying to establish the habit of getting up early.  Or going to bed at the same time every night. I can go for months and months of successfully getting up early (for me that's 6:00 AM)  But all it takes is one night of staying up late, because we go to a party or for New Year's eve, whatever, and I go back to my "go to bed at 2" and "get up at 9" routine - in a heartbeat.  I have to start all over again struggling to get up early and go to sleep early.

Instead of thinking there is something wrong with me, I've finally accepted that I'm a night person - to the core. The only reason I even keep trying to be an early riser is because my husband is an early riser and so is much of the world I live in.   But it has NEVER felt natural to me and it will never be a true habit. I have to work at it all the time. But enough about me.

On the other hand, some habits can be established instantly. 

From the first minute you set up the new process or system, it works. I think the most important consideration in how long it will take to establish a new habit is how "right" and how "natural" it feels to you.  It's like a magic moment when you hit on that solution / habit that just works from day 1. 

Like when I help someone learn to put their keys in the same spot every time when they come in the house.  One client tried using all kinds of hooks on the wall in many different places - but it never worked.  He still put the keys where ever he dropped them.  To help him change the habit, I  had him show me where the keys usually landed. Then I chose what seemed to be the closest natural spot for him to easily drop his keys.  We put a small basket there, and he instantly started using it and it was never an issue again.  The secret was choosing the right habit for him.  Hooks may work for a lot of people, but for people who are natural "droppers", the hook on the wall just won't work.  Rather than spend a lot of effort changing HIM, we figured out the right environment to support changing the habit.

Is it worth even trying to change?

Some habits, like early rising, and healthy eating, are worth the effort of continuously struggling to develop them.  But many things, like using a tickler file, are optional.  There ARE other perfectly acceptable ways to followup on your commitments and actions.  If what you are doing isn't broken, and it feels natural to you, then stick with it.  No matter how other people perceive it.

Sometimes, it's just not worth the time, effort and pain of trying to change a habit and failing at it.  So if you work well with a paper planner, don't feel you have to use a PDA just because someone tells you they could never live without their's.

But if what you are doing now IS NOT working, then you do want to try something different.  But if you give it a solid week or so and it still doesn't feel right to you, don't assume it's because there is something "wrong" with you.  You may just have to keep searching for the "right" habit or solution.  Or you may have to organize yourself and your environment to support your desired habits better.  Which is exactly what Stephen did to help him acquire the habit of using his own creative approach to the tickler file.

Comments

[Stephen]

Fantastic. This is going to be a meme. I need until Friday to finish my research. I will be approaching it from another direction.

"Is it worth trying to change?"
Fantastic stuff!

You should join us at http://www.CompanyLoop.com, we are putting something special together. Email me for more info.

[rob]

Thanks for such a well argued article on habits, I could not agree more. It's so easy to get swept away with simplistic pop psychology - your perspective on this topic is a lot more realistic .

[Ariane Benefit]

Stephen & Rob,

Thanks for your comments! I've got another post brewing too! : )

[Stephen]

My follow-up is finally ready, check it out.
http://hdbizblog.com/blog/2007/06/28/can-you-change-your-habits-in-21-days/

[Bill]

Fabulous post! While I believe that you can change virtually everything about yourself, there are some things that you just don't want to change given the amount of effort that it takes for the value you receive. I've heard this concept called Return on Energy (ROE).

It seems more beneficial to focus on your strengths than to shore up a weakness that is irrelevant to your success. Like your example of using a paper planner (like the Bubble Planner), some people have a very difficult time keeping track of things on their computer. Out of sight, out of mind is true for many. I think there is also a feeling of losing control that accompanies some computer applications.

[Ariane Benefit]

Thanks so much for stopping by Bill! I love your concept of ROE! A perfect way to describe the point I was trying to make. And I agree that focusing on building on strengths is more useful than working on irrelevant weaknesses. Your Bubble Planner is a very creative solution for an underserved population!

[Michael@ Awareness * Connection]

I love seeing stuff on myth busting in this genre. There are enough unsupported claims that catch on out there to fill a couple dozen large dumpsters to the point their lids can't close completely. One interesting angle on this that is very much supported by volumes of research in social and cognitive psych is the fact that when we are working to form habits, we initially are working against all sorts of automatic non-conscious processes. There is an example here:
http://www.gtdtimes.com/2008/08/04/this-is-your-elephant-on-gtd-any-questions/ using the metaphor of a rider on an elephant. The elephant is the unconscious, automatic part. The puny rider represents our conscious part, the part that intends to form the new habit. This image help people to capture just why it is that we so often have every intention of forming a healthy new habit, but are puzzled when we don't follow thru...because we don't realize there is an elephant involved that is going to need some training. And often a lot more than 21 days of training.

Again, thanks for the myth busting theme.